Broken Up About Breaking Up

Breakups suck, and no one is exempt from the heartbreak that it comes with. Everyone will likely go through a breakup at some point in their life, or they will experience a form of heartbreak in another way. It's inevitable. So why do we feel so alone when it happens to us? Why do we think that no else in the world could possibly understand the extent of what we are going through? 

I've been going through my first adult breakup. After nearly 3 years together, it was time for us to part ways. It has been almost 2 weeks since we have broken up, and I have been going through a roller coaster of emotions. We had lived together for 2 out of those 3 years together, and I ended up moving back to my parents house, almost an hour away. Living at my childhood house 3 years later has been such a strange feeling. I sometimes feel like it is healing my inner child, and other times I feel as if I have taken a million steps backwards. It is nearly an hour away from my new job, and that is it's own challenge. It's doable, but I am not the type of person who likes driving, so driving for 2 hours a day is not very fun. I am grateful that my parents have let me move back in with them, and for letting me bring my cat with me. I don't ever want to come across as ungrateful, I just wish this wasn't how it had to be. As much as I knew this breakup up had to happen in order for me to be truly happy, it still hurts a bunch and I wish things could be different. I do not wish to still be in the relationship, I just wish things could've ended differently and I could've been stable enough to afford my own apartment. I know that soon I will be in my own place, but I just feel bad for invading my parents space. They have been very accommodating to me lately, which I appreciate. 

I have been feeling very lonely lately. Even though I have my parents and my friends around me, I can't help but notice this feeling of loneliness looming over me constantly. I try not to pay it any attention, but once I am alone with my thoughts, the feeling gets so heavy. It is such a difficult feeling to deal with. It's an overwhelming amount of sadness that I feel like I cannot carry on my own. Even though this breakup was ultimately my choice, I am still very broken up about it. I don't believe it is easier for the person that called off the relationship. It's difficult either way. I am trying my best to navigate through this, but it's a lot more challenging than I ever could've expected. I am doing my best to wear a smile every day and keep myself distracted with doing things that I love. It helps for sure, but I know that I need to take the time to feel these awful feelings. I need to be able to heal from this. And I will eventually, hopefully. 

While I know that I am not in the exact place that I want to be, I know that this is where I need to be currently. God led me here, and I know that I just need to have patience for the next step in my life. I have a lot to look forward to, and a lot of new beginnings to be excited about. It is sad when things have to come to an end, but I am trying to remind myself that these endings are just making room for better things for me. 

Everything will work itself out, eventually. ♡