When Life Gives You Lemons...

2023 was full of changes and new opportunities. It tested my character and pushed me to make myself uncomfortable so I could grow into the person I've always wanted to be. 2023 was full of trials and errors, ups and downs, and major plot twists. If you would've told January 2023 me that she would be in her dream career by the end of the year, I would've thought you were crazy. But here we are! It's February 2024 and I am training in my dream career as a vet tech, at a company I have always wanted to work for. It's the opportunity of a lifetime, and it feels so surreal to have it in the palm of my hand. The past year brought me all of my biggest dreams, but then 2024 showed up. 

 It's only February. Only the second month of the year, and I already know that this one will test me like no other. My nearly 3 year relationship ended about a week ago, and I packed up my life and moved back to my hometown and back into my parents house. It feels like I have taken a million steps backwards. Everything feels so scary. I feel like I don't know how to navigate life on my own anymore. I had my future planned out and now all those plans have dissipated. Why are breakups so terrifying? 

I have these fears that have been eating at my insides. I fear that I'll never find someone else who could love me. I feel like there's no one else in this world that I could want. I feel like he will be the only one I can think about for the rest of my life. I feel like he will move on and find someone else (this one currently makes me feel physically sick). It's just so scary that everything has changed so fast. My relationship was done and I was gone in the span of a few days. 3 years over within 3 days. Sometimes it feels like it never happened and that I'll wake up tomorrow back at our old house. Sometimes I feel like the last 3 years were all a crazy dream that I just woke up from. Some days I feel okay with the way things have changed, other times I find myself begging to go back in time. 

Unfortunately, change is inevitable. Even the changes we don't want to go through must happen to us. We must face heartbreak and hard times in order to appreciate the good times. Even though I wish all this change wasn't happening at once, I know that I can handle it and that it will help me to grow into my best self. Some people aren't here to stay forever, but rather to teach us lessons and help us improve. It sucks, but it is important for our personal development. 

I was hoping 2024 would be my year of doing everything I've always wanted, and I'm sure this could still be true, but grieving the loss of of my relationship and the future I thought I would have has definitely put some obstacles in my way. While I still am grateful for so many things in my life and I am excited for my new career, I can't help but feel scared and anxious for the future. I am sad about losing my relationship, and it's hard to feel like I will ever get over this feeling, but I know it will come with time. I just need patience and perseverance. I am strong and I am capable of making it through this transition. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am my own person and I can do things on my own. Everything will always work itself out. 

In conclusion, I am very happy with all of the wonderful and exciting opportunities that God has given me, and I know that  while I am sad about my current situation right now, soon I will come to realize why this needed to happen. God will guide me through it and show me why things are the way they are. I will continue to make the most out of every situation and out of every single day that I am given. I will continue to look at life with a positive and grateful perspective. Everything is happening FOR me not TO me. 

I am grateful for this life, no matter where it takes me. ♡