24

I turned 24 yesterday, and I've found myself reflecting on the many changes I have gone through since I entered my 20s. It has been a rollercoaster, in the lightest of terms. It seems as though it has been one thing after the next. I feel like I haven't had a break from change in a long time. And maybe it's my own fault. I have brought many of these changes upon myself. Not all of them are negative changes, either. There have been plenty of positive changes, and even the negative ones have been opportunities for me to learn and grow. That doesn't make them any easier, though.  

Love in your 20s is such a strange thing, and in this generation it feels almost impossible to find a genuine connection. I found love when I was 20, and I thought it was the best relationship I was ever going to have. I thought that the way I was being treated was normal and that if I wanted to be loved, I needed to accept the things that were happening and settle with this person. It took me nearly 3 years to understand that what I had with this person was not love - it was a trauma bond. It took me nearly 3 years to find the courage to leave. And even when I did leave, it wasn't the end of it. I battled for months to let go of the relationship and I struggled to cut contact with him. It can be extremely difficult to let go of toxicity when it's all you know, but I've come out of it stronger and happier. I am thankful that I found my way out of it, even though the changes have definitely taken a toll on me this year. When you leave a long term relationship, it's not just a relationship you are losing. It's an entire life and future that you built. You now have to let go of your entire current life and the idea of the future that you had in your head. You have to navigate a completely separate life without this person you had been with for so long. That is not an easy thing to do, and it takes time to get used to your new life. 

Finding a new love after a long term relationship is also something I didn't think would happen for me, especially not anytime soon. But i met someone when I wasn't looking. This person showed me what real love looked like. What being treated right felt like. I had never been treated so well by a man. And it was the bare minimum, but I still felt the love from this person. I felt that he truly cared about me. However, just because someone treats you right, that doesn't mean they are perfect or that they are the one for you. I had my heart broken twice this year. Just when I thought I had found the love everyone has always told me about, it was ripped right out of my grasp without warning. I truly was blindsided and it taught me to not trust so easily and fall for someone so quickly. Even the nicest men don't always have the best intentions. It was incredibly disappointing and really broke my heart. I had never experienced someone leaving so suddenly and then acting as if I never meant anything to them. I now understand the feeling of being ghosted, and it is a horrible feeling. I will never understand how someone can make you feel so special, safe, and loved, just for them to leave you and never speak to you again. 

So I've been learning to guard my heart a little bit better. I'm learning not to trust people's intentions right away. It sucks that things are like that, but it's the way our generation is these days. Not everyone wants to see you happy or successful.

Even though this year has been filled with a lot of negative changes and heartbreaks, I have also been working at my dream job and that has been the best change I have ever had in my entire life. So even though there has been all of this bad energy this year, I am so grateful to have my job. It feels so amazing to know that I am helping all of these pets and their owners. Even though this field can be draining and I get burnt out so easily, it is so rewarding and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I know that I chose the right career for me. I know this is what I am meant to do and I am so happy I found a way to do it. It truly is an amazing feeling. 

2025 will be here soon, and as this year comes closer to an end, I truly pray that next year will be a little easier on me. I am going to continue to work on myself and mental health. I am going to find the happiness within myself that I seemed to have lost this year. I know the way I feel is only temporary and that I will get through the storm. I am putting my trust in God to guide me through this season of my life and I can't wait to see what blessings await me on the other side. <3

                                                               -  Ashley